Tuesday, December 29, 2009

resolutions

Oh so cliche...but after 2009 I'm kinda finding it necessary to create a list of them. Not that this year was terrible, I met and fell in love with an amazing man who showed me dim sum and pho and shared with me a love of beer, together we went to festivals and spent weekends in bed watching BSG and The Wire. However, I became rolly polly, but not in a "I'm comfortable in my relationship and don't have to work at it" kind of way, but more "my boyfriend keeps feeding me all this awesome food and there's so much to do that I have zero time to exercise".

When I don't exercise, no matter how well I eat, I blow up like a Macy's thanksgiving day balloon.

mmmm...turkey.

Anyhoo, since I love hiking so much and I'd prefer being able to climb up a mountain without my boyfriend a 1/2 a mile ahead of me skipping up the trail carrying all our gear because I can hardly make it up the swtichbacks then I better join a damn gym. Since the tall one's friend Dodi has a membership at a small gym on Queen Anne, I'm going to join her there and hopefully will have someone to hold me accountable to get my ass up and going when I just want to stay in bed and snuggle.

Resolution #1: Join a gym and exercise at least 4 times a week. One of those days will include one weekend day unless a hiking outing is planned. Yoga will be in addition to and will not be counted as a day of exercise.

I know it's on everyone's list, but I actually f'ing mean it. I'm doing it and I don't care how cliche it is. Also, I put it as number one because being in shape gives me the energy to hike, to explore, and to do more than just work and sleep which is essential for the rest of my resolutions.

Another thing that took a backseat this year to my exploration of Seattle funtivities and my love of snuggles was my photography. It was a bit of a milestone year as I decided to fully invest in my new passion and purchased a Nikon D90: a thousand dollar camera, and then kept the spending going on two lenses and the most expensive filter I've bought to date. Funny thing about not having a boyfriend is that you have a lot of time to yourself. In 2008 I worked so hard on learning photography not only because I had a love for it but also because I didn't have much else...it was a good way to fill my time. However my time in 2009 was filled with the cutest boyfriend ever!

Resolution #2: Enroll in the photography program at the University of Washington.

The fall courses begin in August which will give me more than enough time to do:

Resolution #3: Leave the country at least once this year.

I have a feeling that since the tall one purchased a new house this year our travels will only be to Canada or perhaps Mexico, but it's still another country, and I will still get to use my new passport.

Speaking of the tall one (when am I not, though...seriously) I'm saving a particularly scary resolution for him. I keep coming back and re-writing this paragraph because I don't know how to word it. I know how I feel which is I love him, I want to spend the rest of my life with him, married with babies, traveling the world and enjoying this life with the the enthusiasm of youth for the rest of our days...but I feel like I'm not supposed to say that. Because...well, I don't know why. It's dumb. I can think up all these reasons: I don't want to end up like my mother who goes from one man to another, I don't want to move in for financial reasons, I don't want to be taken care of, I don't want to be afraid that he'll cheat because he needs outside validation from someone he doesn't see every single freaking day...

...but I'm not my mother, and I've proven that I can take care of myself in both Seattle and the big scary Los Angeles, I don't need to move with him because I can still pay my rent and live, sparingly, but I can still do it just fine. As for seeking outside validation, well, the jury is still out on that and it's a sticking point for me. I'm still afraid I'll never be enough. But that's life. I can't stop doing things because I'm afraid. I never have, I've jumped into every situation knowing that it could all blow up in my face but if I hadn't done it I would have never known and I would have always wondered.

I have never said "what if I had..." so:

Resolution #4: Happily and successfully move in with my boyfriend and refrain from bringing in the baggage from previous attempts with other ill fated relationships and all my mother issues along with me.


There are other little things I'd like to do: run a marathon, buy a new car, finally get a computer set up so I can start editing my photos correctly, get an xbox so I can obliterate friends on Gears of War, spend more time with Casey, make his house our home, get more of my LA friends to visit me up here...but I believe these four things are essential for the project that is "Stacy".

It's an ongoing project, but it's showing a lot of promise :)

2 comments:

Melissa said...

Woo! You have a big year ahead of you...these are all good resolutions I think. Good luck! Maybe the reason I stagnate so much and accomplish nothing is because I never plan anything... hmm. Something to think about, for sure!

Have a great 2010! (And you could leave the country and come to Thailand! Cheaper than Mexico when all is said and done.)

stacy marie said...

thanks for reading all that, seriously sometimes I think I'm just writing to myself...which wouldn't be all that bad :)

and um, you don't accomplish anything? you moved to Thailand, learned to teach, are learning to rock climb, will be learning a whole new language...damn girl, you've accomplished a TON!