Monday, April 20, 2009


I've been staring off into space a lot lately. Contemplating, speculating, rationalizing; and then dreaming, wanting, fantasizing. My head is busy as of late so finding the time for photography has been a task that I'm failing at. I'm lucky to have my iphone on me at all times so I can still capture things that I see when I come out of my dream state for a few minutes.

"mistaken dogwood"

I know I've mentioned how fun this dating thing is, and I'm really appreciating each little detail and step along the way. Learning about each other, finding out the weird idiosyncratic things, the long talks until morning, the meeting of the friends, and then the parents which happened this weekend. I'm a sucker for this kind of crap. I'm sentimental all the way, so it was pretty cool to meet his family and see where this kid came from. I was only there for a few minutes but immediately I was charmed and can now see where his biting wit comes from.

Since I knew my mom loves this kind of crap too, I decided to call her after not having really spoken to her in over a month. I had been watching Gilmore Girls and the few episodes that I had seen were when Rory had quit Yale and moved in with her Grandparents. The strain between the once solid foundation of that mother and daughter team along with the gleam in the Lorilei's eyes anytime there was any mention of her daughter just made me ache for my mom. Chuck used to tell me that my mom would be especially happy the week leading up to one of my visits to Arizona and because of that, my guilt for not talking to mom has been pretty deep lately. I don't want to be the cause of any extra suffering for her, thus the call to her on Saturday. We spoke for 4 minutes before she had another call, when she clicked back over she asked if she could call me back. Um, yeah...ok. I waited 20 minutes before hearing my phone ring again. She told me it was Rusty...RUSTY. She hadn't talked to her daughter in over a month and she gets off the phone with me to talk to the asshole who made her life spiral out of control, who strings her along, who took her out of rehab when it was her best bet for recovery and getting her life back, who didn't even call me when she was in the hospital for a week after attempting suicide. I hate him, and she took his call over mine. The word livid doesn't even describe what I was feeling and I told her as such. I hung up, took a moment to cry, then I moved on. I can't expect her to be the mom anymore so it's not acceptable for me to dwell on her actions. It sucks, though. I sometimes feel like I lost my mom that night last November.

blue house yellow tree
"blue house yellow tree"

Trying not to dwell, but failing, I stayed home on Saturday night but chatted with Amy on IM for a hour or so. I miss her and all my other girl friends in LA but it's nice to know that even though I haven't been there in a year we are all still as close as when I lived there.

Sunday brought dim sum and I dragged Casey out of bed to join Lucas and me in the International District. I'd been talking up this place to Casey and wanted to show it to him, but since I have no idea what I'm eating most of the time I figured it'd be nice to take him with the expert, plus it was a good time for my best friend to meet the guy I'm dating.

dating...tee hee.

Before the call with my mother on Saturday I took a drive up to Snoqualmie. I had planned to hike, but didn't feel like doing anything too strenuous as I'm trying to recover from the plague...or whatever it is I've caught that has made me sick for the last month. I attempted Asahel Curtis, but the road was snowed in still. Instead I opted for daydreaming about the hikes I want to do this summer and came up with the following list:

-McClellan Butte
Monte Cristo - it's a ghost town!
Glacier Peak
-Miners Ridge
-Image Lake
-Lost Creek Ridge
-White Pass
-Sulpher Mountain
(chances are I'll only get to Lost Creek)
Hurricane Ridge
Colchuck Lake
Lake Melakwa - Of course I've been, but I want this to be my first camping trip. This hike kicked my ass the first time I did it. I want another go.

I'm sure I'll be adding more, but this is my short list for the season. Snow melt already, damnit!

Lastly, did you know that Ansel Adams studied to become a concert pianist?

"For several years, I had a very difficult time," Adams said in his 1976 interview with the BBC. "And many of my friends would beg me not to think about photography as a career, because I apparently was a fairly good pianist. And they would say photography is not an art; the camera cannot express the human soul."

I beg to differ, friends of Ansel Adams...and I'm glad he did as well. The camera is the only medium I've found that actually can express what's in my soul.

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