I downloaded the first of the Sookie Stackhouse novels last week. Lately I've been having trouble sleeping so I've downloaded the Kindle app for my iphone and will lay in bed with the lights out so I don't disturb the tall one as I read. My first downloaded novel was "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" (or Men Who Hate Women if you want to literally translate it from Swedish) and although I was still on the fence about not having the actual book in my hands I liked that I could pick up my phone anywhere and lose myself in Mikael Blomkvist's investigation. After finishing the book I laid in bed for a few nights, staring at the ceiling that would be slightly illuminated by the lights from the external hard drive connected next to the bed. I decided to download another book.
I'm a fan of True Blood so as I looked through the top sellers on the Kindle website I noticed the first Sookie Stackhouse novel and decided that would be my next distraction. So far the book has followed the series quite nicely and as I read the words I can hear the strong southern drawl of Anna Paquin and as Sookie describes Bill running his fingers through her hair I can see the strong jaw cut by long stylish sideburns of Stephen Moyer. It's definitely been quieting the craziness that has been swirling around in my head. Why is there craziness, you ask?
Well, you see my friends, I am engaged. A beautiful, wonderful, never thought it would happen to me kind of thing that has blown my mind wide open and created a hole that, no matter how much wedding porn I throw into it, won't close. My mind flutters back and forth between the feelings of being totally loved to being totally ignored, to being totally grateful, to being totally annoyed. It's no wonder girls go crazy when the ring is put on their finger. Between friends, family, obligation, tradition, money, time, location, colors, flowers, honeymoon GAH!!!
You get the point.
I'm lucky that the man who put the ring on my finger (well, not exactly just yet...we're having them made specially for us) understands that I get overwhelmed easily, that I did NOT inherit the bride gene and that his family is expecting to be present at any sort of ceremony that occurs, meaning we can't just sign the papers here and get married in Europe...or Vegas...without them being there. At first he wanted a small wedding, one at the courthouse so we could use our trip to Europe as our honeymoon. Then I got the idea of being married outdoors, on a trail or something somewhere...then I started looking at elopement locations...then I started looking at small wedding packages as the guest list grew from all the people finding out about the small wedding...you see where this is going. The blow-off valve broke and we've had to cap it. I think we're at 14 right now, not including me and the tall one.
Our goal is to keep this wedding (including rings) under $2000. Dodi has graciously offered to make my dress, our flowers will be simple daisies from the grocery store, the ceremony will take place (hopefully) at Alexander's Country Inn who will include in the price lodging, dinner for two, a small cake, champagne and a wedding coordinator (the owner of the inn) who will help to pull everything together. My one big sad face in all of this is I want pictures to be taken, and I have a photographer in mind, but I don't think I'll be able to talk her down to our budget.
Ok, maybe that's not the only sad face. I'm totally being selfish and girly..I know...but I kinda expected to be showered with..um...happiness? Like everyone I know would be totally wanting to help and jumping in to...oh I don't know, play with my hair? Is that what girls do? Oh man, I'm hopeless. I'm disappointed in what I don't even know I want?! How is that possible? It doesn't even make sense! Funny thing is the whole situation reminds me of when I lost all my weight. Everyone wants you to get thin when you are fat, they all want you to be "healthy", but once you become thin there is no big YAY YOU party, it's snide looks and comments like "well, yeah, I mean I'm exercising too. What size are you now? Well, I'm a size blah so I guess I'm still one up on you". I mean REALLY?
I've noticed lots of comments from friends after the engagement that border on the "you guys are sickly happy, go get a room". You'd think they'd be jumping for joy! Yet I've actually had people say to me "well, I've seen you go through a lot of guys so I guess it was only a matter of time before this happened."
Again...I MEAN REALLY??
It's so strange. The whole world wants you to be happy but then once you are it's like "ew, get a room, I'm gonna barf".
Sigh. And don't even get me started on my mother...she spends the one day I tell her that I'm getting married crying and calling the whole world to let them know that "her daughter is engaged" and then I don't hear from her again until I call her to tell her the date...and THEN she asks me if I'll give her "me time" when she comes up for the wedding....not "oh, I'll be there to help you with whatever, only daughter that I love" oooooh no... me time. Whatev.
I'm rambling now.
I know I'm going to offend people and I know that there will be feelings hurt, but I wish people would understand that and know that I'm under a lot of pressure to make a lot of people happy when really I just want to smile more than once during this process. Does that make sense? I'm using a lot of run on, poor me sentences aren't I?
If you lasted with me this long you deserve pictures.
Every Tuesday night for seven years Dodi's mom Autumn hosted Pizza Night. It was an open door party for anyone to show up, eat pizza, drink wine/beer/shots, and meet new people. After the 7th year Autumn became tired and asked if anyone would like to take it over. We decided on a few different locations and pizza night is now a roaming event that occurs every Sunday evening. We had the honor of hosting it for the first time a couple weeks ago and I took these pictures of our lovely friends.