Friday, July 31, 2009

always learning

I suppose I should explain...

I downloaded the Silver Efex plugin for photoshop and have been messing around with it over the last few days. I really liked this shot and thought it was a perfect canvas.

The first edit was a bit too dark on the vignetting, and also very grainy.

I edited it and the second shot was better, less vignetting and I removed the noise.

However, there was still something about it that was off. I reprocessed it and added a red filter, plus I cropped it as the tree was too far out of the shot and there was a bright white rock in the foreground that was distracting from the shot.

So..here is the final one. I'm not doing anymore...darnit! :) What do you think? Cute one, if you are checking this out via iphone and zooming in on it to check out every little detail, click the picture to take you to flickr then click on the picture again to get the bigger view. It's kinda pixilated on my blog, but it blows up nice in flickr.

final silver at shi shi

the cool air

After days of extreme heat, the marine layer has begun to work it's way into the city and for the first time in 4 days I was able to sleep with more than a light sheet over me and actually take a warm shower instead of one that was ice cold.

Wednesday night I laid on my bed, a fan blowing hot air on my face, a frozen towel draped around my neck and decided I couldn't take it anymore. I received my evening "yay! I'm coming home" text from the tall one and I told him of my plight. He suggested heading to a bar and when I found one that was cool to text him and he'll join me.

I headed out to The Saint where I heard had air conditioning and an excellent happy hour. The slightly cooler air was welcome, but it wasn't enough. I sat myself down in the lower area and ordered a yummy cucumber and gin concoction with homemade agave syrup and a plate of chicken mole tapas. The little dish was excellent, but it made me immediately bust out in a sweat and the air conditioning was very, very lacking. The waitress, although really sweet, was overwhelmed and never refilled my water. I was dying so I got my check and, on the tall one's advice, headed over to another restaurant.

Chez Gaudy is a little speakeasy type restaurant that is tucked away on Bellevue Ave and accessed down a hallway and a closed door. Only recently did they add a sandwich board outside as if you walked by the place every day you would have no idea that it was there. The moment I walked in I was greeted with two floor air conditioners and an enthusiastic server who told me I could stand in front of said A/C units for as long as I like. He sat me down next to another one on a long leather bench with pillows and I ordered another cucumber beverage and some red pepper hummus.

The tall one dropped by for some quick kisses and to point out the salt deposits on his uniform that even the big lake in Utah would be envious of and then went home to shower before joining me again for what turned out to be a three hour dinner. I didn't want to leave. The company was excellent, we chatted about silly things and important things and everything in between; the food was excellent, I highly recommend going on Wednesdays where they have a whole section of $5.50 menu items that included wasabi grilled cheese and a balsamic, strawberry and cheese dish that had the tall one interested enough by the description alone to order; the music was great, they alternated between The Wailers, Augustana, Beck, The Kinks and Kings of Leon, stopping a song sometimes mid verse if they didn't like it; and the servers were awesome, very attentive and fun. Plus...did I mention the air conditioning? Heaven.

After a quick stop to harass Casey at work, he walked me home. We contemplated bar hopping to keep cool, but in the end we just wandered in a haze up to my oven of an apartment where he left me to swelter and spend another sleepless evening. Thank dog it's cooled down now. One more week of this and I would have been a raging runt...

I'm still playing with my black and whites, which has been a blast, and I thought I'd add this cute one of Lucas and Michael.

Have a great weekend everyone.

bear hug

Thursday, July 30, 2009

expansive

a walk on the beach


I'm doing a bit of editing. I get so excited to write about an adventure that sometimes I really don't take the time to think over my shots and edit them. I look forward to a time when I can print them out and arrange them so they all kinda make sense.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

shi shi through the fog

fog at shi shi

peninsula

Although the heat has reduced me to a whimpering bratty child, I'm a little more coherent than yesterday and have more pictures to present to you.

stolen kisses
"stolen kisses"

One thing I forgot to mention is that I purchased my first expensive filter, a polarizing filter for my 18-105. After getting my photos processed I've noticed that the filter puts a pretty heavy vignetting on my shots. The above one I kinda played with it and added a little more as it was a lovely black and white, but most of them I've had to batch process them to remove the vignette. A small price to pay, I suppose, but I will be happy to get some new glass.

shi shi
"shi shi"

Another issue with my 18-105 is a heavy distortion at 18mm. It's not too terrible and on a landscape, if I compose it right, it can create an almost wide angle effect. Kinda interesting, and at the same time totally annoying. The tall one mentioned that I was grumpy on Saturday during the drive. I hadn't noticed it until he mentioned it and I blamed it on the heat and driving, but really it was total disappointment. I really wanted sunset shots, I really wanted long exposures of water over the rocks, I had all these shots in my head and due to the heavy fog I wasn't able to accomplish any of it. I was totally defeated, and in the end gave up which is why I don't have a ton of shots of the beach.

rock em sock em
"rock em sock em"

Make no mistake, when I say I was disappointed it's not in the trip nor the company. The tall one's childlike excitement on Saturday, his enthusiasm for hiking and finding new things, the pride that he took in the fire, the snuggles when we finally got to sleep on a soft surface and the adorableness of his tired eyes on Monday night as we sat in our underwear playing Wii really made the trip worth every aching muscle, every missed shot, every sleepless night. Plus I've grown very found of his friends Dodi and Michael so sharing this adventure with them was great fun.

the ocean t600
"the ocean t600"

I read a comment on a flickr shot that really resonated with me. The photographer mentioned that when he's home and he sees that there is a really great sunset but he can't get out to photograph it in time, he closes all his blinds so that he can't see it as it makes him sad to not be able to capture that moment. I can totally relate, but to me it's the world around me. Everything around me is beautiful, and I'm so grateful for being alive and healthy enough to see it, I just wish I could do it justice.

equestrian on the horizon
"equestrian on the horizon"

I'll keep trying :)

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Isabelle Ides / Shi Shi / Forks / Ocean Shores

The plan on Monday had been Rainer, but by the end of the week we had a quickly thrown together maps, food, sleeping bags and a vague idea for a trip around the Olympic Peninsula. The weather reports were calling for the high 90's in the mountains so the coast would be a welcome reprieve from the heat.

cutest boy ever
"outed!"

After a quick stop at his parents house for chairs and sleeping bags we were off to the ferry for our adventure. We had originally planned to camp at Shi Shi beach, which was a two mile hike in so we stopped at the forest station in Port Angeles to grab a camping pass and a bear canister. It was a quaint little town with festivals and lots of tourists. I'd like to take a drive back over to check out Hurricane Ridge, but that's for another time.

you taste like the ocean
"you taste like the ocean"

We made it to the Makah Indian Reservation in very good time. The roads were not very well signed so after going through Neah Bay we were just hoping the vague map we did have was correct. We figured out that when camping at Shi Shi you have to park at a residence and have the locals drive you over to the trailhead. I wasn't feeling like going through all of that and I noticed a few cars and tents off the side of the road about a mile before the trailhead. Isabelle Ides was the name of the beach, and the sign said to pay to stay at the yellow and blue house. After meeting some fellow campers and asking for change I dropped the $10 through the slot and we went to scope out our campsite.

look what I made
"look what I made"

The tall one took on the task of hunter / gatherer and I went to unpack the car and set up camp. The fog was very thick so there was no chance of long exposures of the sunset but it made for cool weather and nice surf, which was being enjoyed by a few surfers that kindly said hello as they made their way past our tent. After lugging huge pieces of driftwood to the fire pit someone had dug out previously, the tall one preceded to make an excellent fire that lasted well into the morning. We roasted hot dogs and marshmallows and stared into the fire until we became too tired to keep our eyes open.

Sleeping on sand was an interesting experience...

contemplating the ocean
"contemplating the ocean"

The tall one woke up before me and went to tend the fire. We enjoyed a breakfast of fresh blueberries, granola and yogurt before packing up and heading to the trailhead. Shi Shi beach is approximately 4 miles round trip and relatively flat except for the end where you drop a good 300 feet down to the beach. The tides were high and the fog was still lingering so again no long exposures, but the tide pools were exposed so we went searching for some sea life.

starfishy
"starfishy"

There were quite a few anemones and starfish to gaze at and huge fields of muscles that sat amazingly untouched by seagulls. After wandering around for a bit we hiked it back up to the car to take a baby wipe shower and change for the drive to La Push via Forks.

twilight mania

My friend Marwa is nuts...and I mean nuts...for Twilight. I told her I'd drive through the town for her and take a few pictures, but the further we drove inland the hotter it got. By the time we were in Forks the temperature had risen dramatically and I was hot. I took a few pictures and we did a little shopping and gawking at all the Twilight crap in the area. This was the first time we had cell service so the text messages came flooding in. The tall one's friends decided to head to the coast as well so instead of heading to Third Beach for another night of camping we headed down to Ocean Shores to meet up with them.

as wide as the sea
"as wide as the sea"

I had some trepidations about camping at a state park, my original plans were to rough it and see the ocean, but an air mattress plus peach cobbler made in a dutch oven over the fire swayed me. Plus the company was excellent and did I mention the air mattress?



After a decent night sleep and blueberry pancakes made by Dodi's grandma (YUM!) we headed out to the beach to splash around in the water. Michael and tall one played rock 'em sock 'em and I ran to grab my camera to capture the fun and got back just in time for Michael to attack! We left to get some ice cream and then headed for home after quick stop at Cabela's to price out the stuff we are going to need next time we go on an adventure (mattress pads..please please).

I had so, so, soo much fun with the tall one. He was such a great traveling companion and I can't wait to head out on another adventure! Thank you for keeping me smiling, for kisses, for fun, for pretty, for friends, and for you :)

Friday, July 24, 2009

to the coast

his glasses
"his glasses"

I'm heading to vampire country this weekend, but hopefully will have some great shots when I return. At the very least I'll have some great stories of camping, running through the forest, sand in unusual places, stolen kisses in the rainforest and warewolf sightings.

~Have a great weekend everyone~

Thursday, July 23, 2009

grux

funny the way it is
"funny the way it is"

Watch the sky, the jet planes, so far out of my reach
Is there someone up there looking down on me?
Boy chase a bird, so close but every time
He’ll never catch her, but he can’t stop trying

Monday, July 20, 2009

went by so fast

friday night
"friday night"

Another weekend, no hiking...BUT I did accomplish what I set out to do. Drinks on Friday turned into a fun evening with a new friend, another year older pirate, a tall one and a youngin from Texas. I don't remember much, but I'm pretty sure we had fun. There were pictures to prove it, drunk texts and an all new low...drunk e-mailing. It was classic:

them: "well I guess you're not going to call and we'll have to do this another time"
me: "n"

Whiskey bad.

I haven't outed the tall one fully yet in photos...this one is no exception. I'm waiting for a photo shoot. Melissa, on the other hand, is there in her full beauty. It's a shame the photo doesn't pick up her stunning blue eyes. Those things are out of control!

Saturday I actually cleaned my car and spent the day lounging, which was awesome, and Sunday the tall one and I hung out in a pool all day with a couple of his friends. It was a lot more fun than I thought it was going to be, a very interesting experience and he and I made it through the day without any doubts in my mind. I also learned he's very competitive when it comes to water sports.

grassybare
"grassybare"

I hear the wildflowers are blooming at Sunrise, Pilchuck is snow free and the road to Mowitch is open. I think a drive will be in order next weekend.

Friday, July 17, 2009

sunset drinking

My adorable boy hasn't left my side for the last couple weeks, which I appreciate more that he'll ever know. It's a strange thing for me to have a man care so much about what is going on with me and in my head, along with helping out his other girl friends and even his mom as they go through their own trials and stresses, and never once asks for anything in return. He never needs time away, he doesn't retreat, he doesn't pull away with no reasoning. He's like a freak of nature, I think.

However, his friend needed him last night so he went to enjoy girl time and ice creamy goodness I decided to do some cleaning and yoga. I called Casey as I was walking back to my apartment from the store and he suggested I bring over some of the 12 pack I just purchased and we could watch the sunset from his roof. I couldn't pass that up.

the many faces of casey
"the many faces of casey"

I love this shot because it's the three Casey's that I know: always texting, totally silly, but completely sweet. He's my favorite model. I swear he never takes a bad picture.

a biker looks out over the water
"a biker looks out over the water"

This weekend brings two tests for me, one this evening when I attempt to make a new friend (like Melissa is soooo scary) and the second on Sunday...can I make it without freaking out? Will the tall one and I persevere through the murky waters of my raging self doubt? Stay tuned!!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

art

addison diptych
addison diptych

Karl Addison is a local artist. I see his work all over the hill, along with a few other of my favorite sticker artists like starheadboy and (0v0). I love taking photographs of their art that I find in strange places and it's been awesome that they have seen my photos and liked them. I mentioned to the tall one that I was invited to a dinner for local artists by a contact from Italy on Flickr. I found it odd that I was invited and he said "but you are a local artist".

I've been thinking about the idea of that. I guess I never really considered myself an artist, nor the idea of a photographer actually being one. I used to tell Panda that I loved his photos mostly because it gave me the opportunity to see through his eyes. I shoot what I see and in shooting someone else's creation does that mean I'm stealing their art or am I showing them what I see in it? Is it an homage to them or a smack in the face? I haven't figured it out yet. Karl loved the above photo, and I guess that's all that matters.

What I love about this particular piece is it's a way for him to let go of his ghosts, his demons, the things that plague his mind every day and set them free. These little guys are for purchase and you can take them right off the wall at the installation, however I opted not to. Mostly because the idea of purchasing someone's ghost doesn't appeal to me. I have enough of my own, but I love the idea of manifesting them into something tangible. After the show is over he will be placing them throughout the neighborhood for others to take. I look forward to spotting them and I wonder if the people who take them will inherent the ghost that resides inside.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

random

emma goldman's birthday party
"emma goldman's birthday party"




afternoon bokeh
"afternoon bokeh" a self portrait in the eyes of the tall one

A side note, I'm really grateful he lets me take photos of him. I've seen attempts at capturing him on film by his other friends and it doesn't end well...


fountain at sunset
"fountain at sunset"

Monday, July 13, 2009

an evening with the good Reverend



The tall one has very eclectic musical tastes but I've noticed one that sticks out as a favorite, and that's rockabilly and variations there of. It's an interesting mix of old school surfer music, punk, country and rock and roll and although sometimes I enjoy it, it's not something I listen to on my own. He did create a pandora station for me so occasionally I'll pop that on when I'm cleaning but I'm quick to change it if I'm just lounging around reading.

No matter the genre there are three things that will make me interested in a band: how well they play live, how their fans react and how respected they are by their peers. I knew Reverend Horton Heat had a following, I knew their shows were pretty crazy but other than a few listens I wasn't really that impressed. But true to form, now that I've been to a show and experienced the crazy (which apparently was worse last time they were in town) and read up about them, I kinda love them.

The show was opened up by Nekromantix led by Kim Nekroman who, along with his wife also have another band called the HorrorPops that I really like. As a side note, both Nekromantix and the HorrorPops are on Hellcat Records, which is run by Tim Armstrong of Rancid who was just in town last week and a certain Henchbot got to meet him...in a suit, no less. They played a really great show and Kim with his coffin upright base and microphone licking ways was very entertaining and stroked the crowd just enough to get them riled up for the Reverend.

When he finally took the stage with his bandmates, Jimbo and Paul, I stood mostly in awe, mouth gaping between dancing and ducking from flying cans of PBR. A mosh pit was created in the center of the crowd and security was busy pulling down crowd surfers by their feet and ejecting drunk sweaty men. I looked back at the tall one to see him dancing and singing (awesome) and said "I can't believe I'm seeing people slam dance to a song called 'Martini Time'".

It was loud, hot, and sweaty. I was exhausted by the end of it and starving. For a moment I put in a pair of earplugs and it made me feel so weirdly disconnected from everything that was going on around me that I had to take them out. The whole scene was so much of a stretch from my normal show going experience that I felt it necessary to be as engaged as I could. As is I can hardly remember most of what I saw except that I liked it.

I liked it a lot.


Friday, July 10, 2009

granite mountain

It was on my list of hikes I wanted to do this summer so I decided to take advantage of a cool but sunny day and make the trek up. I had heard that the beargrass was blooming like crazy up there and since I missed it last year I was really itching to photograph the weird little flowers.

I knew the trail was hard, 8 miles round trip and about a 3800 foot elevation gain, but people likened it to Mt. Si which I had no problem with. Granite Mountain is a different story. It starts out at exit 47, my favorite for hikes off I-90, and is the trailhead for quite a few hikes. I'm guessing I'll be up here again if I want to try for Ollalie Lake as I don't think my car will make it up to the other trailhead. Plus it crosses over to Melakwa Lake so if I can get someone to pick us up on the other end it might make for a nice overnighter for the tall one and I.

points the way
"points the way"

I easily hit the one mile mark and the sign for the turn off to Granite. I took a quick photo because I loved how the light was coming through the trees and it made for a fun photo of the sign. I love my new camera.

tiger lilly
"tiger lily"

I had seen a few tiger lilies on Rattlesnake, but didn't have my camera with me so I was really excited to see this little guy just hanging out. And hello! Beautiful bokeh with my Nikon? Love it.

canadian dogwood and friend
"canadian dogwood and friend"

The dogwood is blooming now and was scattered all along the lower half of the trail. I realized that if I was fluent enough in the different species of flowers I wouldn't even need a GPS, I would always pretty much know my elevation. With the little knowledge that I do have I can always tell when I hit a certain point because of the different flowers I see, which is kinda cool.

vintage beargrass
"vintage beargrass"

Another thing that I love about my D90 is the on-camera editing options and the high "cropablity" factory. I was able to crop this flower in to get a nice mimic of what I would have accomplished with my 50mm and close up lenses on my Canon.

and up it goes
"and up it goes"

After the first mile the hike becomes a killer. I mean, ouch. I stopped quite a few times before realizing that I was just going too darn fast. I slowed my pace and the trail became more manageable, but it still hurt. I didn't see a lot of people on this normally overpopulated trail however the few people I did meet were really nice and chatty. As I huffed passed two gentlemen they assured me that the wildflowers at the top were so worth the effort.

a little on the side ttv
"a little on the side ttv"

Seriously, the pictures don't do this hike justice. Soon the hillside opens up and for acres and acres all you see is beargrass and wildflowers. It was breathtakingly beautiful. Finally reaching the crest of the hill you are greeted with not only more flowering beargrass but also almost every peak of the cascades. I can't even begin to show you how amazing this place is. You have to go see it for yourself.

grounded
"grounded"

The sun peaked in and out of the clouds all day and since I had no money left over after my camera purchase I have yet to procure a polarizing filter.

steep grade to blue sky
"steep grade to blue sky"

The shot above is straight out the camera. Look at that blue sky, those beautiful greens! No extra filters needed. I love my little guy...love it, love it, love it.

a bit of snow in the way
"a bit of snow in the way"

My destination was the fire look out, but as you can see there was quite a bit of snow on the trail. There are three ways to go here, one straight up the trail that you can see covered in snow, to the right is a basin type valley that was also covered in snow, and then there is the meadow to the left with a steep scramble up a boulder field. I chose the meadow and started up. Once I finally reached the boulders I was exhausted and having a hard time holding on. I was mad at myself because I really wanted to make it all the way and the fear of hiking alone and suffering a fall was preventing me from summiting.

shoe shot
"shoe shot"

I decided to stop, eat lunch and take in the views. I'm glad I did because the descent was a killer. That steep incline did a number on my knees and made me realize I'm in no shape to do another killer hike on my list, Mailbox. The elevation drop was so noticeable that my ears kept popping on the way down.

In the end, I'm actually kinda glad I didn't make it to the top. The tall one wasn't able to join me on this hike and I know he'd like it. I was able to take the time to photography the pretty, next time I'll bring him with me and we'll conquer the summit!

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

to the left

I'm sailing away
"I'm sailing away"

that song always reminds me of Cartman.



that wet dog smell
"that wet dog smell"

This one is for Melissa and her puppy. We shall have a date soon, I'm just working through the drama that is life. Darn full moon :)

Sunday, July 05, 2009

exorcism

Six Feet Under is one of my all time favorite shows. When I heard that Alan Ball was creating a new series, and that it was all about vampires, I was riveted; however I waited until the first season was done to watch it. True Blood is every bit as sexy, smart, funny and revolting as his former series to the point where there was an episode that I couldn't even finish the last half of it I was so emotional over it.

In the episode titled Plaisir D'Amour a character goes through an exorcism (the show takes place in New Orleans so there is a lot of voodoo referenced) and it gave me an idea. After the interesting events that have unfolded over the last few days, honestly I think I'm in need of one.

I had this boyfriend around 8 years ago who really did a number on me. He was beautiful, and kind and sweet and loved me. Boy did he love me. He was a student at UC Berkeley studying political science. I would drive down to SF on the weekends to be with him, I'd spend summers in LA (he was originally from there) and he would come up to Seattle all the time to be with me. We would lay in bed deciding on our wedding location and children's names. For three years we did this, and then one day I stumbled across something that blew up my entire world. He actually had another girlfriend, they were together the entire time we were together, he would spend a weekend with me then go see her. They planned their wedding too...and how did I find out all this? The stupid bitch called me when she found my phone number on his call logs.

I broke down, I lost all sense of reality, I spent an entire weekend taking vicodin every three hours so I wouldn't feel any pain. Before this man I was trusting, I believed in the good in people, I trusted when someone told me where they were going and who they were going to be with. I had no reason not to. I moved to LA to be with him, I planned the rest of my life with this person who actually never existed. He was created by a sociopath, hell bent on manipulating me and any other woman he came in contact with, and trust me there were many.

The 5 years I spent in LA took the rest of the faith out of me. I knew people were in it for themselves, I never expected anything more than they could give me and I also never thought that they were in it for me. I knew everyone had their own agenda and that knowledge helped me to stop counting on people. My mom let me down, the men in my life let me down, I was making poor choices in the people I was surrounding myself with...and in LA that all stopped.

My family there was, and is still, my rock. Anytime I needed support and love and escape I could drive the 50 miles out to Camarillo and my little Jolie would curl up in my lap and look at me with those unconditionally loving eyes and everything would be ok. The girls that I made my friends were the strongest and most amazing group of ladies I'd ever met. But I still wasn't healed.

I find myself now with the most amazing, beautiful, kind, warm, considerate, sexy, smart, strong, and stable man I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. I'm amazed every day that he picked me. We came across a situation this weekend that I've wanted for a long time, I was so excited that I came to be with someone who was just as adventurous as I am. However, I just couldn't because of two things; I had no idea how much I had actually fallen for the boy, and I had too many demons inside me to let it happen.

I'm ready to exercise those demons, I'm ready for them to be gone. It's not fair for anyone that I'm around to have to deal with that bullshit. It's to the point where I don't even want to bring new people into my life for fear that I'll fuck it up with all the things I've been trying to work though but haven't yet. It's fucking ridiculous.

Tara got her's done for $799.95...anyone know a good witch doctor?

In other news, the 4th (for the most part) was really fun. I adore the tall one's friends, and of course everyone knows my view on fireworks (YAY!!). I also realized that my boyfriend's powers of persuasion have no limits.

Oh, and he's sexy as hell.

Listen to Zero 7




That is all.

Friday, July 03, 2009

capture nx200

For my 200th post, a lesson in Capture NX2.

lighthouse with flare
"lighthouse with flare"

ooookaaay, so this one was the first shot I edited in Capture NX2.

For reference
In Capture: I cropped it, used Active D lighting and warmed up the colors to add to the already dynamic sunset.
In Photoshop: I added a vignetting, only because I couldn't figure out how to do it in Capture :-)
In Camera Edit: I used the star filter included in the camera to make the sun really stand out.

Oy, this was a fun one...the lessons continue, thanks for coming along on my journey!

a little walk

Ok, I'm not going to lie...I'm a little drunk, a little tipsy, a little angry, a little frustrated, a little tired of my families bullshit, a little drunk...oh, did I say that already?

bocce ball
"bocce ball"

I walked by a few people playing bocce ball in the park. It reminded me of Billy, who's birthday is tomorrow. I hope he likes his gift. It's amazing to me how I can dislike him for the longest time, but as I grow older I realize I disliked him because he was so fucking right all the time. He is 12 years older than me and has lived...boy has he lived. And he tried to tell me how life was supposed to be, but being the young and stupid girl I didn't listen. However, now I think maybe he needs my wisdom. It's strange how the tides turn. Still, happy birthday my friend. Make it memorable!

beat
"beat"

Sorry, but this shot is awesome. That is all.

starburst at sunset
"starburst at sunset"

I'm working on a very low resolution monitor so I have no idea how a photo looks after I've worked on it for a while. I worked on the above photo while watching a tutorial on RAW. I hope it looks ok.

step into the water
"step into the water"

I was sitting at home after a horrible photo outing yesterday, thinking to myself I purchased a stupidly expensive camera and I'm not using it because I'm afraid of it. So I picked it up and took a walk over to the park, which is like 4 blocks from my house.

walking the tightrope
"walking the tightrope"

The tightrope walkers were out, which I found as a metaphor for the day. My mom sent me an e-mail, and I sent a response back which I have no doubt elicited feelings of frustration, anger and sadness. Such is the norm for communication between me and mom. The tall one dropped by this evening and it was the first time I smiled all day. I love that he makes me giggle. It reminds me that I'm lucky, that I'm happy, that I can't be responsible for anyone's happiness but my own.